Check It Out: Fear Of Flying? Oh Hell No!

So this, apparently, is how the "other side" copes with divorce. Doing some research yesterday, I ran into a blog titled "Fear of Flying? Oh Hell No!" In the words of the author:

Time for a BitchFest by Flying Solo
Why the fuck do some people think they need to feel sorry for me right now? I'm getting a divorce; it's not like anyone DIED! This is such a weird place I am in right now though. My friends are either hooked up in couples or are so far immersed into the single life that they aren't sure whether to start inviting me along or not and so I get shoved into the corner. I mean just because I am getting a divorce doesn't mean that I'm depressed or crazy or need to be left alone. I mean, this doesn't apply to all of my friends, but fuck, I feel like people just aren't understanding me right now. To some people, I mention the divorce and they clam up and don't want to talk about it (is she going to start crying, am I going to say something to offend - UM, NO!).

I'm still a fucking human being with needs, urges, moods (both happy and sad) and I just feel like so many people are afraid of me right now. I hate that life is so in limbo right now and that I don't have something stable to cling to. I just wish some people would realize that I'm still me - I'm just going through a shitty time and it would be nice to know that they are at least trying to understand me. I just want life to be normal again, but I know it won't be for a very long time to come.

And that, as they say is that. The blog documents Flying Solo's travels on the path of divorce where she writes about dating, men, sex, her relationship with her ex, life, and everything else that comes with it. Her posts are raw and passionate, and she is clearly about being empowered through this experience (which is hot). Men, check it out -- you may learn something about women that you do not know already.

So Your Marriage Has Turned To....

If you are current going or have been through a divorce, then this clip should make you laugh. It's a segment of the Gary Shandling Show in which Hank, Gary's sidekick, hits "rock bottom" from his divorce. He's self destructive, self-pitying, self-absorbed, and self-loathing to the point where he says "he wants to end this!" Artie, the show's producer, responds by giving Hank some tough love to help bring him back from the brink and to his senses.

The Gary Shandling Show: The Divorce Gun Pt. 2

At one point or another, some of us have been here (ok, well, not quite here but in a position where we felt the bottom of our life with the balls of our feet). Everything's impossible. Nothing is clear. Focus is a memory, and "self-pity on the rocks" is the only drink in the 'fridge.

In these moments, it is the love, support, and encouragement of the people around of that help break the self-defeating cycles we trap ourselves in. Something to remember is that "encouragement", though, can wear many faces. In this case, it's a 9mm Beretta (watch the clip).

So if you find yourself feeling like this, talk about it. With everyone. Your lawyer. Your accountant. Your family and friends. Random people. Literally, everyone. Be passionate and emotional when you tell your story. Tell them how "sorry" you are, how "bad" you feel, and how "tough" life is right now for you. Eventually, one of two things are going to happen:

1. You will get tired of feeling like this. At some point, you will realize that the pity monster carries a heavy price tag. The reality is that depression carries a significant cost health wise (have you ever been depressed and felt good or energetic?). This point of recognition is different for everyone, and hopefully you hit it sooner than later. You should, though, hit it.
   
2. Your audience will get tired of hearing your story, and seeing you feel like this. It is a critical mass, of sorts. Your friends and family will, at some point, question or challenge you to get your life back on track and to end your depressing, self-defeating behavior. Now, remember this when they do: they have probably let you wallow for months in your "reality of pity and self-doubt". Don't fight it; don't reject it. Embrace it with a "thank you."

Everyone is different, but if you have gone through a divorce or are currently experiencing one then these feelings should be familiar to you. Hopefully you have enough support around you to work through this with friends. It takes courage to try and change your life, because with that there is an acknowledgement that you can fail. Fear of failure can be paralyzing. Remember, though -- you are not alone, tomorrow is another day, and your experiences do not define you.