tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583860792759055050.post1063664482941328676..comments2024-01-14T03:23:40.049-05:00Comments on Divorce and Evolution: Evolution Example: Taking ResponsibilityGuy Getting Divorcedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13620661494635727288noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583860792759055050.post-31290306570124658362007-04-23T10:28:00.000-05:002007-04-23T10:28:00.000-05:00Canada,This is something everyone needs to come to...Canada,<BR/><BR/>This is something everyone needs to come to grips with on their own terms. On that note, I think that everyone "knows" when its time to move on. Whether they decide to heed and acknowledge their instincts, though, is a separate matter. <BR/><BR/>Ask yourself and be frank, what do you believe in? Get clear on that before you do anything else.Guy Getting Divorcedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13620661494635727288noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583860792759055050.post-54052744772576779052007-04-23T04:42:00.000-05:002007-04-23T04:42:00.000-05:00Dear Guy,Thanks for your replies.Is there any hope...Dear Guy,<BR/><BR/>Thanks for your replies.<BR/><BR/>Is there any hope when the other person no longer even wants to try? She has said to me that she doesn't, and wants to get on with her life. She has begun to date someone else.<BR/><BR/>I am a believer in love. But presently, I find it so hard to believe. I feel if I give up hope, then even the love I still feel for her will die.<BR/><BR/>When do you know to give up, or keep believing?<BR/><BR/>- canadaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583860792759055050.post-47353935111028572812007-04-22T17:47:00.000-05:002007-04-22T17:47:00.000-05:00Canada,Personally, I think there is value in shari...Canada,<BR/><BR/>Personally, I think there is value in sharing this with your partner, but it really depends on where you are coming from. Do you want to admit this to her to seek her approval or forgiveness? Or do you want to share this with her so that she can see that you are on your own journey of self improvement?<BR/><BR/>Personally, I think men give their power away when they seek approval from women. I know that for me, I did not share my thoughts about our relationship with my wife until I was in a place where her response did not matter to me. Supplication, in any form, will not bring you closer together. Whatever you decide to do, remember to come from a place of respect, strength, honor, and responsibility to yourself.<BR/><BR/>Good luck to you, and stay strong.Guy Getting Divorcedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13620661494635727288noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583860792759055050.post-77653692702119732672007-04-22T17:30:00.000-05:002007-04-22T17:30:00.000-05:00guy getting divorced:Do you think there is value i...guy getting divorced:<BR/><BR/>Do you think there is value in admitting these things to my ex-partner? Perhaps it might make her see that I understand the situation from her point of view, and also that I am becoming a better person for that reason?<BR/><BR/>CanadaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583860792759055050.post-68368482445879285392007-04-22T13:08:00.000-05:002007-04-22T13:08:00.000-05:00Canada,I applaud your strength, courage, and humil...Canada,<BR/><BR/>I applaud your strength, courage, and humility. It's not easy to take responsibility for these events, but doing so offers us opportunities to grow. <BR/><BR/>I am sorry to hear about how your relationship deteriorated, since it is so clear that you still have feelings for your partner. While it may not be what you want right now, you still have a relationship with her. Don't take it for granted. Let her see you evolve. Give her time and space. Do not seek her approval, or look to "make up" for past mistakes. One thing I have learned is that going "backwards" will only bring up in her the last set of feelings she experienced with you. If you want to win her back, it will have to be by redifining yourself and having her see the new value in you. <BR/><BR/>Over time, things can be different between you two; taking responsibility is the first step in making that happen. Thank you for your heartfelt post. I'll have good thoughts for you and your future.Guy Getting Divorcedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13620661494635727288noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7583860792759055050.post-45461055672171007772007-04-22T12:33:00.000-05:002007-04-22T12:33:00.000-05:00Hi, I'm one of the anonymous writers from your oth...Hi, I'm one of the anonymous writers from your other posts. I did the empowerment exercise you've suggested on your blog.<BR/><BR/>I thought I would share why my relationship failed, in case there are others reading this out there.<BR/><BR/>Before I do that though, thank you for having this blog; I am learning alot about myself that I wouldn't normally have.<BR/><BR/>My story may be rather unusual. I met my ex-fiance 10 years ago, in Canada. 5 years ago we broke up and I moved to the United Kingdom, where I lived until January of this year. Shortly I had moved we got back together and started a long-distance relationship. She even came over and lived me for 1 year in London - and in August 2005, I proposed and she accepted to get married.<BR/><BR/>We made plans that I would return to Canada in Jan, 2007. Unfortunately between 2005 and 2007 our relationship deterioated due to, I think, the long-distance of 5,000 miles, and a 5 hour time difference. In August of last year, I called off our engagement, and in November, I broke up with my fiance. This was because I no longer knew if I loved her, and it was also cemented by the uncertainty if I wanted to move back to Canada. Unfortunately during this period of time (before I broke up with her) I also was unfaithful to her (emotionally not physically).<BR/><BR/>I did come back to Canada in January, and have tried for the last 3 1/2 months to fix my relationship with my ex-partner. However, we have just argued, and just a few days ago I finally accepted that my relationship with her was over.<BR/><BR/>Anyway, without further adieu, here's the 'Evolution' exercise statements that I wrote:<BR/><BR/>1. With the long distance relationship, I forgot what my partner meant to me<BR/><BR/>2. I was unsure I wanted to move back to Canada, and used that as an excuse to further distance myself from her<BR/><BR/>3. I was not mature with regards to attitude, and regularly thought there may be someone better for me.<BR/><BR/>4. I was led by attraction to others over my love of my partner, because she was 5,000 miles away, and it was hard to ignore the people in my life in immediate vicinity.<BR/><BR/>5. I took my partner for granted, and believed she would always love me. This was because we had broken up twice before, and also because after 10 years together I never thought we would ever be apart.<BR/><BR/>6. I drank too much, due to the cultural differences in the UK. And due to this was out of control at times, and misbehaved on the phone with her. I was mean to her and didn't realise how badly I was hurting her.<BR/><BR/>7. I failed to value the plans my partner and I had made together.<BR/><BR/>8. I made a commitment to my partner by getting engaged. But by breaking it off, I lost her trust, and broke her heart.<BR/><BR/>9. I cheated on her, if not in a physical sense, in an emotional way, by starting and attempting to pursue new relationships with others while we were "officially" still together.<BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/>These are all pretty hard things to admit to myself, but taking responsibility for them, is as your blog says, the start of making myself a better person.<BR/><BR/>- trying to be a better person, in CanadaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com